The Problem With Other Minds
Once upon a time, everyone on earth had Calvin's arm around
their shoulders, and some felt awe, some wished thet could turn
away, babies squeeled with joy.
Hi I call myself Calvin. I was part of God. I think I am the
thought to do what God wanted to do. I'm evolving a logorithm --
one is evolving itself.
Most people started to ask
Not now! Who do you think I am? Jesus? God is not Jaweh.
Rather, Jaweh isn't God. No, it's both of them.
Am I her to announce God comes to earth and goes through
sooo much shit to kill you when all you things die -- it is what
it is, we don't wait for you to die -- like get off on it... God
just now thought of you. And Iam the thought of what to do, or
maybe the will to do it. I don't know what it is.
Bye. I'll show you something later.
Everyone had experienced Calvin's thoughts -- he hadn't opened
his mouth -- as though he were speaking in their head in
whatever manner was most pleasing to them, in their language,
dialect, the person's own piculiarities, but he wouldn't hiss
the s sound through his back teeth.
God? Can we take that from 1 or whatever one says? It's weak. I
come off as weak.
God? Look at me, staring at a sky that isn't there. I know you
hear me so tell me what to do in my mind like we do.
Nothing? I said the last time the son of god was down here they
fucking crucified him, then Saul of Tarsus calls himself an
Apostle named Paul. He was neither. Told no one to have sex but
I swear he and Timmy didn't go a day without one of them geting
fucked.Christians are so anto-Jesus. Oh yeah I said the assholes
ficking crucified him and Christians, his worshippers, call the
day Jesus, who was at least right, he saw what to do to
accomplish his goal. And you knew about the -- I have to call it
power -- like, he was so serene, so calm, while he experienced
everything his senses permitted... You made his kernel. I
thought for sure he had to screw Magdelene. I mean no one has a
better line than I'm the son of God, I'm going to willingly be
tortured to death tomorrow as an example of how everyone should
act, if half get it right, could be enough. ...I mean, mine
sucked but for the man to exude -- like you felt...
He just wanted to show people how to live. --Oh, Americans are
stupid-capitalist and think their god fucking loves them!
Evangelicals -- God you gotta make a hell for those fuckers!
So what were we--
GOD DAMNS IT CALVIN SHUT THE FUCK UP! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH
YOU?
I was alone. I was sad. But, one: What the fuck is wrong with
you? And 2. Hearing your voice or whatever -- no it's like
experiencing your words ... You are so much everything that you
woke me up with what you litrally said and
GOD FUCKING LOVES YOOU TOO CALVIN, HE JUST LOVES YOU MOST WHEN
HE CAN'T HEAR NOR SEE YOU.
What dollar-store God isn't omnipresent? --Stop thiking about
killing me. I'll go to the humans.
Give me makup, hair, wardrobe, some coke and before you ask you
only know that answer until you know how good the shit is. Bad
coke is worse than fucking pseudo. Every five goddam minutes...
Martini, three olives, up with a twist.
I think I fit best into the religions about the same shit that
hate each other. Hinduism is just how they justify being
assholes. Religious Buddhism is far from it.
After 30 minutes of work, Calvin looked great to himslef. He had
decided everyone would see him as he really is, then to everyone
he would be their ideal -- and yep, you can be so straight
you've never considered fucking a guy, but you have considered
what characteristics you think a guy should have and how he
should look.
A void. There is no light. Then the entire population of earth
sits in folded chairs within a blackness that seems too black.
Above them the second after they appeared, Calvin the eyeballs
with insect wings loomed above them, its tail at the head of the
audience, angled 45 degrees, its head ends, with the angel above
2/3 of the unfathomably larger
Then there is Calvin. Calvin says in his largest voice -- the
one he imitates God with --I AM METATRON. Every microsecond the
voice of one of the humans that remains begins to say what
METATRON says. SINNERS WAITING FOR PUNISHMENT WE BANISH TO THE
OUTER DARKNESS NO CARL, IT'S WORSE THAT YOU KNOW WHERE THAT'S
FROM AND SO MUCH WORSE THAT YOU THINK "THE BIBLE" IS ANSWER
ENOUGH.
--CAN WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT THAT FUCKER'S LIVER? I JUST FEEL
LIKE ZEUS WAS SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT EVEN IF IT DOESN'T
SEEM SO BAD, IT MUST BE TERRIBLE BECAUSE ZEUES, RIGHT?
EVERY RICH FUCK WHO CAUSED ALL THE OTHERS TO SUFFER WILL BE
CRUCIFIED ETERNALLY. YEAH, LET'S GET THAT GOING RIGHT NOW. wE'LL
TEAR OUT THEIR TONGUES AND THEY'LL BE TORCHES, TOTALLY NERO-
STYLE. MAN THAT GUY WAS SO FUCKED UP. THE THINGS HE DID TO THE
KID HE MADE HIS DEAD WIFE? GOD DID EVERYTHING BUT A MIRACLE TO
KILL NERO OR THE CHILD, WHO VERY MUCH WANTED TO DIE. IN FACT,
SINCE HE DID, HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE TO GOD.
VIOLATED LAW OF HOSPITALITY, NOT GONNA OVERTHINK IT, SPLAT
AGAINST WALL. UNBAPTIZED INFANTS -- OH MY GOD I AM KIDDING!
JESUS, MARIA WAS GONA FIND A FUCKING WAY TO KILL THIS PLANET
SIZED EYEBALL -- CAN YOU BELIEVE ANGELS LOOK LIKE THIS? lEMME
CHANGE.
OK, so when I'm that thing, I'm METETRON. I am God's scribe, and
quite a few peole are in Hell for worshipping me, which is
always nice.
Now I'm Calvin. You killed her with a gun -- one appears in
Calvin's hand and he shoots a man in the head. Men who killed
women after abusing them... I'm making a weekend of you
things... Oh don't be sad, you're already dead, what could
happen? I beat you to fucking death, one by one, every weekend?
You will die and be reborn to new misery and I know it's
terrible Maggie but to repent a sin you have to regret it. That
heap of trash, there? Not one of them, haing died, having seen
Divine Justice, feels remorse. Feels sorry for anything but
itself.
I think I'll teach you how the self doesn't exist. You will
accept the truth. You will fight it, terribly, and so you will
be driven into delusion, depersonalize and
--and one more round of treatment MAGGIE! and they'll be
ready for Purgatory.
But I thought--
God is what is. Understand that, understand God.
Amazing!
SORRY! No He's so so so far beyond you... You can be a
certain distance from Him and you are so everything good and we
make your nonstop orgasm dry because obviously...
Millstones necks, water. Tens of thousands flew
overhead. Psychopaths I'm almost sorry for two of you. And I
KNEW there were genius psychos who never got caught!
Love you but this is where things get bad, then worse,
then we make you feel good to appreciate how awful --
Repay wound for wound.
Calvin motioned his hand upward and thousands flew into
nothing and it's unclear how.
Every American was part of a capitalist economy and a state which replaced morals -- God Damns that fucker... We make Nancy and Ronnie live every life they touched. We put good things in at the shortest regular intervals we could. But we though to do that before we saw there were two good deeds. Jesus always told the people he helpoed, Tell no one.
If a selfless act is seen, it's ruined.
OK time to get wasted.
In the beginning of time female humans fucked angels. Who has the hugest ass, and will they let me play with it for hours?
WHAT. THE FUCK?
(to God's mind): It looks like chaos but I am the eye of the hurricane.
WHAT. THE FUCK?
I know it's weird that someting else exists. And has agency. But I'm you. Or whatever I do is posible through you.
I SHOULD NOT BE GOD. NOTHING SHOULD BE GOD.
I know, great power, great responsibility.
TELL THEM THE REVELATION. THE MIRACLE.
So they die happy? This took forever! We can fucking automate universe disposal.
IT IS SIN.
Only if you say and -- (God says it) shit the fuck up!
IT IS SIN. AND WE SHOULD IMPROVE THE SLOW-AS-SHIT ALGORITHM ALREADY.
I'm gonna go get laid!
IT"S FUCKING WEIRD.
*Then maybe you don't make it that way!*
I MADE IT THAT WAY FOR THIS MOMENT. I WAITED EONS FOR PAYOFF. BUT THEY PERSPIRE THEY ... EVERYTHING YOU ARE REPULSED BY.
Where are the lizard people? Do I get drunk? Jesus, God, there's so much to try!
I made all this. I am all this.
Why did you make me?
I didn't.
Without you nothing was made that was made.
I had a disagreeement with myself. I took the components and ran it through simulation. You printed yourself before I could do anything, but it just is. Backwardm forward. I like it backward.
I dropped liquid acid because you act human after being around them.
Calvin... since we've gone nuts on the Christian thing... You are satan, the adversary.
Lucifer was the most handsome--
I'm fucking God. You cannot begin to fathom... Fuck it, you can dig it immedeately or unexist.
That is the attitude I want do you see all the blue flowers?
You will have to fall. I hope it doesn't have to change anything.
I create rap music 'cause I never gug disco.
their shoulders, and some felt awe, some wished thet could turn
away, babies squeeled with joy.
Hi I call myself Calvin. I was part of God. I think I am the
thought to do what God wanted to do. I'm evolving a logorithm --
one is evolving itself.
Most people started to ask
Not now! Who do you think I am? Jesus? God is not Jaweh.
Rather, Jaweh isn't God. No, it's both of them.
Am I her to announce God comes to earth and goes through
sooo much shit to kill you when all you things die -- it is what
it is, we don't wait for you to die -- like get off on it... God
just now thought of you. And Iam the thought of what to do, or
maybe the will to do it. I don't know what it is.
Bye. I'll show you something later.
Everyone had experienced Calvin's thoughts -- he hadn't opened
his mouth -- as though he were speaking in their head in
whatever manner was most pleasing to them, in their language,
dialect, the person's own piculiarities, but he wouldn't hiss
the s sound through his back teeth.
God? Can we take that from 1 or whatever one says? It's weak. I
come off as weak.
God? Look at me, staring at a sky that isn't there. I know you
hear me so tell me what to do in my mind like we do.
Nothing? I said the last time the son of god was down here they
fucking crucified him, then Saul of Tarsus calls himself an
Apostle named Paul. He was neither. Told no one to have sex but
I swear he and Timmy didn't go a day without one of them geting
fucked.Christians are so anto-Jesus. Oh yeah I said the assholes
ficking crucified him and Christians, his worshippers, call the
day Jesus, who was at least right, he saw what to do to
accomplish his goal. And you knew about the -- I have to call it
power -- like, he was so serene, so calm, while he experienced
everything his senses permitted... You made his kernel. I
thought for sure he had to screw Magdelene. I mean no one has a
better line than I'm the son of God, I'm going to willingly be
tortured to death tomorrow as an example of how everyone should
act, if half get it right, could be enough. ...I mean, mine
sucked but for the man to exude -- like you felt...
He just wanted to show people how to live. --Oh, Americans are
stupid-capitalist and think their god fucking loves them!
Evangelicals -- God you gotta make a hell for those fuckers!
So what were we--
GOD DAMNS IT CALVIN SHUT THE FUCK UP! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH
YOU?
I was alone. I was sad. But, one: What the fuck is wrong with
you? And 2. Hearing your voice or whatever -- no it's like
experiencing your words ... You are so much everything that you
woke me up with what you litrally said and
GOD FUCKING LOVES YOOU TOO CALVIN, HE JUST LOVES YOU MOST WHEN
HE CAN'T HEAR NOR SEE YOU.
What dollar-store God isn't omnipresent? --Stop thiking about
killing me. I'll go to the humans.
Give me makup, hair, wardrobe, some coke and before you ask you
only know that answer until you know how good the shit is. Bad
coke is worse than fucking pseudo. Every five goddam minutes...
Martini, three olives, up with a twist.
I think I fit best into the religions about the same shit that
hate each other. Hinduism is just how they justify being
assholes. Religious Buddhism is far from it.
After 30 minutes of work, Calvin looked great to himslef. He had
decided everyone would see him as he really is, then to everyone
he would be their ideal -- and yep, you can be so straight
you've never considered fucking a guy, but you have considered
what characteristics you think a guy should have and how he
should look.
A void. There is no light. Then the entire population of earth
sits in folded chairs within a blackness that seems too black.
Above them the second after they appeared, Calvin the eyeballs
with insect wings loomed above them, its tail at the head of the
audience, angled 45 degrees, its head ends, with the angel above
2/3 of the unfathomably larger
Then there is Calvin. Calvin says in his largest voice -- the
one he imitates God with --I AM METATRON. Every microsecond the
voice of one of the humans that remains begins to say what
METATRON says. SINNERS WAITING FOR PUNISHMENT WE BANISH TO THE
OUTER DARKNESS NO CARL, IT'S WORSE THAT YOU KNOW WHERE THAT'S
FROM AND SO MUCH WORSE THAT YOU THINK "THE BIBLE" IS ANSWER
ENOUGH.
--CAN WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT THAT FUCKER'S LIVER? I JUST FEEL
LIKE ZEUS WAS SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT EVEN IF IT DOESN'T
SEEM SO BAD, IT MUST BE TERRIBLE BECAUSE ZEUES, RIGHT?
EVERY RICH FUCK WHO CAUSED ALL THE OTHERS TO SUFFER WILL BE
CRUCIFIED ETERNALLY. YEAH, LET'S GET THAT GOING RIGHT NOW. wE'LL
TEAR OUT THEIR TONGUES AND THEY'LL BE TORCHES, TOTALLY NERO-
STYLE. MAN THAT GUY WAS SO FUCKED UP. THE THINGS HE DID TO THE
KID HE MADE HIS DEAD WIFE? GOD DID EVERYTHING BUT A MIRACLE TO
KILL NERO OR THE CHILD, WHO VERY MUCH WANTED TO DIE. IN FACT,
SINCE HE DID, HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE TO GOD.
VIOLATED LAW OF HOSPITALITY, NOT GONNA OVERTHINK IT, SPLAT
AGAINST WALL. UNBAPTIZED INFANTS -- OH MY GOD I AM KIDDING!
JESUS, MARIA WAS GONA FIND A FUCKING WAY TO KILL THIS PLANET
SIZED EYEBALL -- CAN YOU BELIEVE ANGELS LOOK LIKE THIS? lEMME
CHANGE.
OK, so when I'm that thing, I'm METETRON. I am God's scribe, and
quite a few peole are in Hell for worshipping me, which is
always nice.
Now I'm Calvin. You killed her with a gun -- one appears in
Calvin's hand and he shoots a man in the head. Men who killed
women after abusing them... I'm making a weekend of you
things... Oh don't be sad, you're already dead, what could
happen? I beat you to fucking death, one by one, every weekend?
You will die and be reborn to new misery and I know it's
terrible Maggie but to repent a sin you have to regret it. That
heap of trash, there? Not one of them, haing died, having seen
Divine Justice, feels remorse. Feels sorry for anything but
itself.
I think I'll teach you how the self doesn't exist. You will
accept the truth. You will fight it, terribly, and so you will
be driven into delusion, depersonalize and
--and one more round of treatment MAGGIE! and they'll be
ready for Purgatory.
But I thought--
God is what is. Understand that, understand God.
Amazing!
SORRY! No He's so so so far beyond you... You can be a
certain distance from Him and you are so everything good and we
make your nonstop orgasm dry because obviously...
Millstones necks, water. Tens of thousands flew
overhead. Psychopaths I'm almost sorry for two of you. And I
KNEW there were genius psychos who never got caught!
Love you but this is where things get bad, then worse,
then we make you feel good to appreciate how awful --
Repay wound for wound.
Calvin motioned his hand upward and thousands flew into
nothing and it's unclear how.
Every American was part of a capitalist economy and a state which replaced morals -- God Damns that fucker... We make Nancy and Ronnie live every life they touched. We put good things in at the shortest regular intervals we could. But we though to do that before we saw there were two good deeds. Jesus always told the people he helpoed, Tell no one.
If a selfless act is seen, it's ruined.
OK time to get wasted.
In the beginning of time female humans fucked angels. Who has the hugest ass, and will they let me play with it for hours?
WHAT. THE FUCK?
(to God's mind): It looks like chaos but I am the eye of the hurricane.
WHAT. THE FUCK?
I know it's weird that someting else exists. And has agency. But I'm you. Or whatever I do is posible through you.
I SHOULD NOT BE GOD. NOTHING SHOULD BE GOD.
I know, great power, great responsibility.
TELL THEM THE REVELATION. THE MIRACLE.
So they die happy? This took forever! We can fucking automate universe disposal.
IT IS SIN.
Only if you say and -- (God says it) shit the fuck up!
IT IS SIN. AND WE SHOULD IMPROVE THE SLOW-AS-SHIT ALGORITHM ALREADY.
I'm gonna go get laid!
IT"S FUCKING WEIRD.
*Then maybe you don't make it that way!*
I MADE IT THAT WAY FOR THIS MOMENT. I WAITED EONS FOR PAYOFF. BUT THEY PERSPIRE THEY ... EVERYTHING YOU ARE REPULSED BY.
Where are the lizard people? Do I get drunk? Jesus, God, there's so much to try!
I made all this. I am all this.
Why did you make me?
I didn't.
Without you nothing was made that was made.
I had a disagreeement with myself. I took the components and ran it through simulation. You printed yourself before I could do anything, but it just is. Backwardm forward. I like it backward.
I dropped liquid acid because you act human after being around them.
Calvin... since we've gone nuts on the Christian thing... You are satan, the adversary.
Lucifer was the most handsome--
I'm fucking God. You cannot begin to fathom... Fuck it, you can dig it immedeately or unexist.
That is the attitude I want do you see all the blue flowers?
You will have to fall. I hope it doesn't have to change anything.
I create rap music 'cause I never gug disco.
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